Ode to Gaddums
The season has now ended
And we all can now reflect
On moments we’ll remember
And those we may choose to forget.
So let’s take this opportunity
To stroll down memory lane;
See if any of it rings a bell
As we relive it all again:
Remember when the sandwiches
Survived a near disaster -
When a rummage through the tuna
Revealed Jens missing plaster!
And a collision with a coffee pot
Left Linda in a fit -
As she gently felt her scalded arm
Young Kate felt a right … lemon!
The lady waiting for her coffee
Then found my answer rather blunt:
“ Would you like it in your coffee cup,
Or would you like it down your front?”
Ruth sliced the cabbage, and her thumb,
Though we stuck it back with plaster;
But we had to change he menu
And offered red cabbage thereafter!
Now, Richards trying very hard
While Sarah’s very trying;
And when Dan suffers food poisoning
It’s truth alone, that’s dieing!
And Rose has a way of losing things
That are not hard to find;
I fear one day it’s possible
She could just lose her mind!
Jen’s a compulsive cleaner
(in other words a scrubber)
While I’m good at dropping crockery,
thank god there made of rubber!
And I’ve been heard to chat to customers
Even when I’m alone!
I may even offer something hot -
With a roll, or on it’s own!
Did you see the pepper pot explode
On Tim’s egg mayonaise?
It was hard to tell the deepest red -
The pepper or Tim’s face!!
Oops, a coach party has just arrived,
They’re a quirky lot
Requesting the impossible
And what we haven’t got:
“ Have you mustard for this sandwich, please?
Is this orange juice quite pure?
What jam is in these doughnuts?
Is this fresh cream - are you sure?”
“ Decaffeinated tea for two,
And capaccino just for one;
Can you heat this in the microwave?
And three toasted tea buns.”
Dan’s making extra sandwiches,
Kate’s frantic at the sink.
Quick, before the next onslaught
, Who’s ready for a drink?
Linda’s going up the wall -
Now she’s talking to herself;
Jen’s cleaning out thecake cupboard -
And is stretched out on the shelf,
The shortbread’s soft, the flapjack’s hard,
The border tart has cracked;
I don’t know who the cook was
But I think they should be sacked!
Jen’s hidden all tims salad packs
(she’s such a little teazer!)
I wonder where she’s gone now?
Oh, she’s cleaning out the freezer.
We can’t see Dan for sandwiches;
While Linda soaks tea-bread
Quite nonchalently unaware
She’s used gravy instead!
The pandamonium persists -
Has anyone seen Jen?
Oh yes, her feet can just be seen,
She’s cleaned out the fridge again!
Tim is moaning to himself again,
Whatever’s wrong with him?
Oh - it’s just the same old story -
No-one works round here but Tim!
The blender’s on, the mixer groans,
I can’t hear myself think;
We’ve lost Jennifer again -
Oh, she’s cleaning underneath the sink.
A sudden hush falls on the kitchen -
What’s wrong for heavens sake?
In a careless moment someone
Dared to mention… Christmas Cake!
We’ve another three coach parties booked -
Oh god they’re all from Saga!
Tim’s chuntering beneath his breath,
I’m reaching for the larger.
The queue is stretching out the door,
We’ve no teaspoons or trays;
Tim is buried in the pot-wash
And could be there for days.
The drinking chocolate has expired,
The milk machine’s run dry;
The terrace heaves with dirty trays,
I think I’m going to cry.
Tables are full of dirty crocks,
The hot food isn’t out;
We haven’t filled the milk jugs up,
I think I’m going to cry.
The soup terrine was not switched on,
We haven’t got the cream;
There’s no cheese for the jackets
And I think I’m going to SCREAM!
(puff….pant…gasp!)
They all go home - we clear away-
With just a hint of sorrow,
In the certain knowledge that we’ll do
It all again tomorrow!
………
Still - it’s over now, we made the grade;
We stood the test of time.
And it’s an experience I won’t forget
For a VERY, LONG, LONG TIME!!
