My frozen peas are soggy
And the beafburgers are mush
The piza is a pile of crumbs
The chocolate mouse is slush.
With ice cream running on the floor
My pateince runs away
Then at the point of no return
Your freezer saves the day.
Neighbours!
Quarrelsome neighbours - at it again-
Telephone ringing - they wish to complain;
The beat is too loud - they can’t hear T.V.
Then turn up the volume, says little old me!
Notes on Cecil Parkinsons
Demise
Cecil’s fallen in disgrace
He stuck it out, but then lost face
Young Sarah’s put him in his place
Oh you fool, poor Cecil
Sarah doesn’t want to wait
To wed the secretary of state
(her pregnant bulge says it’s too late!)
Oh you fool, poor Cecil
He handled the conference pretty smart
Prepared to try and win their hearts
But Sarah saw him play his part
Oh you fool, poor Cecil
She saw the way he smiled at Anne
“ My wife and I” his speech began
And Sarah pledged to ruin this man
Oh you fool, poor Cecil
At this Miss K must have seen red
She spilled the beans and let it out
How he’d proposed and then had doubts
Oh you fool, poor Cecil
The minister for Industry and Trade
Regrets any mistakes he made
Miss Keay regrets that she was ‘laid’
Oh you fool, poor Cecil.
TERRY SCOTT - 40th BIRTHDAY
Dear Terry,
Last week something funny happened to me
As I sat in doors quietly sipping my tea -
From out of the blue - a golf ball appeared
As it smashed through my window - and whizzed past my ear!
Quite where it came from I haven’t a clue
But a little bird told me it just might be you!
For rumour has it there’s a chap going round
Tormenting the good folk of Faversham Town.
From Ashford Road, they say, he emerges
As he gleefully leaps on to all the grass verges
With his number four iron he wealds his attack
Sending golf balls flying, this way and that.
Why folks have been known to freeze where they stand
When they see him approaching with golf club in hand.
And even the friendliest dogs run and hide
As the sight of the menacing glint in his eye.v If I should find that this
rumour is true
I’ve made up my mind - I know just what to do
I’ll pack up my bags and take off in my car
Before your hole in one catches me under par.
Thank you for the pressy
It was indeed most kind
And as you wondered what to get
You must have read my mind
For I left my heart in Grassmere
(with or without the rain!)
And I made a promise to myself
I would return again
Though I have not yet decided
Quite when that chance will be
But please be assured your Christmas gift
Means all the world to me.
To David
Dusty Springfield on T.V.
I woke you up so you could see.
